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How not to repair a garage door
It’s a fact: I don’t like to pay someone else to do something that I can do better. Well, at least that’s the theory. The reality is that I’m cheap, and I hate to let my money go on long trips without me. So, I often repair things that I should never mess with, just to save a few bucks. A classic example of my penny-pinching foolishness dates from about 1986, when I tried to repair my own garage door.




Pecan Pie for the Mind: Don’t let your kids unionize over backyard gardening
Once this cold weather ends, it'll be gardening time. Now, I don't know if you give a hoot about growing peppers, tomatoes, and squash, but I learned how to garden at a very early age, and I have some strong opinions on the subject. And rolling around with all the great memories from those times is a painful recollection of feeling like an overworked serf, ill-treated peasant and underpaid sharecropper rolled into one - sort ...




Pecan Pie for the Mind: I’ll turn 50, but I won’t grow up
I’m about to turn 50. Yeah, snicker if you want, but what choice do I have? I’m highly allergic to death, and I don’t own a decent time machine, so I’m stuck. Aging is bad enough, but the absolute worst thing about turning 50 is that people will expect me to finally act grown up. Well, I don’t want to be a grown up. I’ve spent my life surrounded by them, and ...




Pecan Pie for the Mind: Fighting Socialism in the depths of winter
It’s freezing cold down here in Dixie! Listen, I fully expect the South to be humid and hot, balmy and breezy, and stifling and sticky, but nowhere did I sign up for frigid and frozen. We southerners will tolerate an occasional ice storm or that rare centimeter or two of snow, but weather like we’ve had for the past few months is nuts. The only solution to this craziness is to learn ...




Pecan Pie for the Mind: There Goes Another Good Dress Shirt
Well, I just messed up another one of my nice dress shirts. This time, it was an exploding jalapeño that did the damage. Add that to the two other good shirts that were stained by splattered soy sauce and splashed gravy, and you can see why I'm afraid to wear nice clothes when there's food involved.




Pecan Pie for the Mind: Geography lessons from an angel
I love the South, and I especially love Georgians. Georgians are some of the most courteous people around — people who will go out of their way to help you. I think God created Georgians because his regular angels didn’t take too well to our red mud, what with those white outfits they have to wear.




Pecan Pie for the Mind: An unknown world
For years, I put off learning how to cook because I was afraid it was going to be really hard and require a lot of thinking. But, over the past couple of months, I’ve learned that I can make my way around in the kitchen with my brain almost completely shut off. If you’re a guy like me and you’re wondering, "What’s so hard about operating a blender," let me share some of the ...




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